Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Ada & Eve

disclaimer 1: if you are easily insulted, stop reading now. This is just a story I made up. It ain't true, and there is no need to live by the rules of the story. The story by no means attacks your religions or beliefs, it's just a story. Neither is it anti-male or anti-female. If it has any mesage at all, the message is not to take internet blogs so seriously. ;)

disclaimer 2: the pitcure is inspired by the story and the ladies in the pictue are models. Any resemblence between the people in the story and the ladies in the picture is due to coincidence or careful castings and does not imply any thing about the private life of the models.

This may come as a shock to you, but the story of how men fell from grace with God is not true. It was made up by people who are ashamed of the truth. Yes, we lived in Paradise, and yes, we were chased out. Metaphorically, that is. True, the story involves an apple, but the apple didn’t have anything to do with anything. Neither did the snake. This, you see, was paradise. And in paradise, snakes are nice and friendly creatures. No poison, no strangling, no lies nor deceit. Yes, it has a forked tongue, but who are we to judge an animal by its looks? We have no one to blame but ourselves.

On the sixth day, God created men. Not a man, but men. Two women actually, Ada and Eve. Why women? Silly question. This is paradise. Who needs guys in paradise? Ada and Eve lived in paradise for many, many years and they were happy. They loved the flowers and the birds and all the other animals and they loved each other. Were thy lesbians, you ask? What a typical post-paradise thing to ask. Ada and Eve never wondered whether they were lesbian. They just loved each other. Period. Every now and then, Ada and Eve ate an apple or two. Not every day, as there weren’t any doctors in paradise anyway. And so many other fruits too choose from. But that’s not the point here.

Ada and Eve were perfectly happy. Well, not perfectly, something seemed to be missing. So they started looking for whatever it was they were missing. And one day, Eve found a picture of a guy on some obscure website. Not knowing what that was, she called Ada: “Look! This is what we need. Let’s ask God a favor.”

God, in all her wisdom, said no. But you know how women are. Ada and Eve kept nagging and nagging and nagging, until God finally gave in. She put Ada to sleep, removed her breasts and 80% of her brain and added some hairs and a penis. And that’s about it. No angels with flaming swords or anything. When Ada, now Adam, woke up, the place hadn’t changed a bit. But it wasn’t paradise anymore. Paradise was lost…